Day 7 brings us one week into our 25 days of Christmas, a time to talk about all things Christmas and the traditions we celebrate.
Today I want to talk about remembering, and specifically remembering those who are no longer with us. We think of them at Christmas, sometimes with fond memories, sometimes with happy ones, and sometimes just a bit sad that they are no longer with us.
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Twenty-nine years ago today, my grandfather died. It was, at the time, the worst contact of my life. It was two days before my birthday, and he was my Grandad. For the first two and a half years of my life, he was "Daddy," as my mother was newly divorced and my grandparents took care of me while she worked. I was the first grandchild and at last the only girl. To say he spoiled me would be an understatement. I helped him bleed brakes on the car when he worked on them, I tagged him everywhere he went. When we lived in a little house behind the bar where he often stopped on the way home from work, I remember dressing up and putting on my "high heels" and running out the door saying "I'm going to have Cokes with Grandad." I was five. We were each other's staunch supporters and nobody ever came in the middle of us on that. For the last five years of his life, I was the only one who was allowed to hug or kiss him. He also paid to send me to my first year of college, paying for everything so I didn't have to work. He helped me buy my first car and then paid it off and let me make lower payments to him when my hours were cut at work. He was also the someone in my life who believed I could do no wrong. I used to joke that he could find me standing over a dead body with a smoking gun in my hand and he would still swear I didn't do it. Losing him created a huge hole in my life and in my heart and I still miss him terribly even today.
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Then there is my grandmother. She was my former caretaker when I was a baby because my mother worked. The bond we advanced is the bond that babies regularly create with their mothers. I have all the time said she is my best friend. There has never been whatever in my life I couldn't share with her. And I all the time knew she believed in me, no matter what. Today Gram is 96 years old. You might wonder why I have included her here. You see, the dementia of age has taken over and she simply, in many ways, is no longer here. That's been a tough realization for me this week. I've had some emotional things that I just needed to talk with her about and we just don't have those same conversations. Still, that love is still there. Not too long after I moved back to the States, she was living with us and said to me "I've all the time been so proud of you and what you've accomplished." My response was, "yea, well, I'm unemployed right now." Her write back is one I will treasure forever: "Well, form out what you want to do and do it. whatever that is, you'll be successful. I believe in you." Even through her dementia, those times still come through and I cherish them.
In the last year, any of my friends have lost their parents. In just this last week, one someone lost her father in law. Someone else friend of mine lost both her mother and her dog in the same week. Loss is hard at any time in our life. Somehow the holidays seem to magnify it a bit more.
So this week, take some time to remember those you may be missing this year. I believe simply acknowledging that is helpful. Remember the things you did together, the things you loved about the person, and just simply let yourself be okay with missing them at this extra time of year.
Do you have any extra traditions during the holidays to remember loved ones who are no longer with you? I'd love to hear about them.
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